Tag Archives: writings

Original Compositions

For the past few weeks I’ve been in a phase for songwriting. Well, not whole songs, but the lyrics anyway and some sort of musical “idea” in my head that works with it. Once my bandmates come into town, we’ll try and hammer these up. So for now, you get these lyrics. Let me know what you think? Yeah? Cool.

“D&D Romance” Approx. BPM: 112

First verse:

You rolled a critical against

My heart

From then, I knew we would never

Be apart

I don’t care how, I just want to

Do it

Me, as a Rogue, and you as a 



We can control our world as

We want

As soon, as we kill the goblin mage


With me, you always have a 

Friendly face

Together, you and I, in this

Made-up place.



Every week

I peek at your sheet

You are the real treasure

That I seek 


Your Charisma is fine,

You’re really one of a kind, 

When I look at you, I’m caught in a trance.

There’s magic up in the air,

Hold my sword if you dare,

We’ll break the enemy with my mighty lance.


I’d crawl in dungeons for you,

Take down a dragon or two,

Come on baby now, just give me a chance,

And even though its a game,

My love for you is the same,

I knew it at first glance,

It’s a D&D Romance.

Second verse (not the same as the first):

Before, I was awkward and

A loner

And now, you give bonuses to

My boner

The spell, that you cast on me is

So entrancing

I can’t, think of anything but



So you see, I can charm you with

One roll

When it rolls, it is always


Please, say to me that you’ll

Be mine

If not, just don’t rip apart

 My spine

Second bridge:

I don’t care

About real life

But in this world,

I want you as my wife

(guitar solo)

Chorus (x1)



“The Story of Scientology” BPM = 138 or 144

Verse 1

Far across from space and time

There lived an alien race

Everybody lived in harmony

But not at Xenu’s place


He was the big Galactic Overlord

And he knew he had to decide

This overpopulation crisis

Made his coffer dry

Bridge 1

So he packed them all in DC-8’s

With rocket parts, not propeller blades

Then they flew across the galaxy

Everyone aboard could all agree, that



I wish I never knew ya, oh yeah,


Don’t recall even voting for ya

This is true, I know

‘Cause Hubbard told me so

This is the story

Of Scientology

Verse 2

He made a stop at Teegeack,

It once was Earth, you see.

He dumped their bodies in volcanoes

Then blew them to smithereens


The souls then rose again as Thetans,

But Xenu still had a trick

He trapped them Thetans with powerful magnets,

And made them watch a flick

Bridge 2

He taught them of religion

And the idea of civilization

What they don’t know is that they’re still

A part of the Xenu Nation, oh


(Guitar solo/jam)

Verse 3

Now Thetans are a part of us

It’s them that makes us ill

Scientology can help

For a hefty bill

Bridge 3

And now Xenu’s trapped in a mountainside

Someplace just nearby

If we don’t turn to L. Ron’s ways,

Then Xenu’s back and we’ll all die, yi,







“The Lonely Nerd Blues” Standard blues riff

My girl broke my Nintendo

Now I can’t play no more 

Girl broke my Nintendo

Now I can’t play no more

Without my Nintendo

My days at home are a bore

 (Guitar/Harmonica solo)

Left home to buy some comics

My favorite store is no more

Left home to buy some comics

My favorite store is no more

Without my favorite comic place

My days at home are a bore

 (Guitar/Harmonica solo)

My Yoda bust is busted

My laptop has a crack

My normal days and nerdy ways

Are just what I want back


Well, I told my girl my problems

And now my girl is no more

I said, I told my girl my problems

And now my girl is no more

Without my girl to help me

My days at home are a bore


“Wedding Band”

“Wedding Band”
Rock Ballad
(BPM = 84)

Alone but not by herself
Shivers run her spine
A cold voice slowly whispers,
“Tonight, you are all mine.”

He guides her and she lets him
Run his fingers through her hair
And in her mind she’s picturing
Someone who isn’t there.

It’s pain but also pleasure,
It’s so wrong but it’s so right.
It’s what happens when he isn’t there
To hold you through the night.
Now she’s crying with a stranger
As he takes her by the hand.
Must have slipped her mind,
She was still wearing her wedding band.

Alone but not by himself,
Thoughts run through his head.
Asking himself constantly,
“Aren’t I better dead?”

He knows she’s not beside him
While he contemplates his life.
If only he had been more honest,
He’d still have a wife.

It’s pain but also pleasure,
It’s so wrong but it’s so right.
It’s what happens when she isn’t there
To hold you through the night.
Now he’s seeking death for answers,
‘Cause Death would understand.
Must have slipped his mind,
He was still wearing his wedding band.

Just hold on, just hold on,
You are never too far gone.
Just hold on, just hold on,
You are never too far gone.
Just hold on, just hold on,
You are never too far gone.
Just hold on, just hold on,
Night is darkest before dawn.

It’s pain but also pleasure,
It’s so wrong but it’s so right.
It’s why lovers are together,
To hold on into the night.
Now they’re punishing themselves
For a life they haven’t planned.
Must have slipped their minds,
They’re still wearing a wedding band.

They’re still wearing a wedding band (x3)

Oh, nostalgia…

I was rummaging through old stories/poems the other day, looking for notes concerning the script I’m currently writing. I grabbed a few things that caught my eye that I thought were still quite entertaining, even if they sound just plain stupid. I will share these with you tonight.

The first can be self-explanatory. And for the record, I still think of this as a very REAL and DANGEROUS threat on our society. Read on, brave reader…


To the general public, it was FanimeCon. To geeks, nerds, and otaku alike, it was their own annual heaven.

But to Lance Waymire, it was his battlefield.

No one knew the danger that had approached to the masses. To them, it was only a fat, hairy, pimply old man in a skimpy Faye Valentine outfit, proclaiming his comfort for his masculinity. He was only entertaining, a gimmick to please others.

But Lance saw him exactly for what he really was; a man bent on the destruction of all things peaceful and just. A man disguised as another man in a fictional woman’s slutty clothing, using his First Ammendment rights to brainwash the innocent and cause mass chaos. Only Lance could stop him, even at the height of his powers. For the sake of humankind, there was no other way.

He must be defeated.


If you no idea what I’m talking about, google “Man-Faye”. I assure you here and now that what you’ll find is NSFW.

Next is a short synopsis of a fan fiction story I was going to work with an old online friend of mine, long before stepping out of the fanfic scene. As terrible as this plot is, I still find it hilarious.


Higher-Earth… realm of the Bobbits of the Mire.

One Bobbit in particular, Bilbob Bobbins, posesses The One Pinky-ring, a pinkey-ring with powers so strong and so evil that the wearer could easily rule all of Higher-Earth. Bilbob’s heair and nephew, Afrodo bobbins, is taken on a long and perilous quest to destroy The One Pinkey-Ring in the place where it was forged, No Mordor.

Join Afrodo and his stout friend and companion Samfool Gamgoo as they venture to their destiny.


As I said: terrible, but hilarious.

I have a couple of others I’d like to show you, but they’re at least a couple of pages long and I don’t want to crowd this post with a bunch of italics. Once I figure out what WordPress’ version of an LJ-cut is, or at a later time, I’ll post them here.

Music: "Slow Ride" - Foghat