I will never, EVER tell blonde jokes again.

“I just want to blog about this and leave it behind me.”

“Oh, you mean about your instance of… silliness?”

“…Silliness?”

“Yeah, I was being nice.”

Yesterday, the GF and I were invited to play some laser tag at the hit spot for it known as Ultrazone, near downtown San Diego. We were to meet in the evening and, a few hours before, I was at a relative’s house visiting and playing some awesome, kickass, balls-to-the-walls ping pong.

Gravity is not one of the rules followed in family ping pong matches.

The time to meet at Ultrazone nears, and I drive back up to the apartment to pick up the GF. I get there, we get ready to go… and then a problem arises.

I’ve been having a consistent issue with parking my car in the garage ever since I got my Rad Mobile. It wasn’t the size of the garage that was the problem, it was that I always kept forgetting to grab the garage door opener before leaving the car. At least a dozen times, I had closed my door, walked to my front door, and then SUDDENLY remember that I never closed the garage door and I’d have to walk all the way back to do it (the garage is about 100 feet away from the apartment door, which is just barely over the point of annoyance).

Last night, however, we were both just about to head out the door when I realize that I don’t have my garage opener. Slapping myself on the forehead, I head to the garage to collect the car. Only to see that the door was closed.

I only have the one door opener, so this was a BAD situation for me to be in. We tried to get a hold of the GF’s other roommate who owns the other opener, but she didn’t reply immediately and we were already 10 minutes late. Thankfully, one of my cousins who was going didn’t live too far away and he was able to pick us up, but the whole night I was worried about when I’d ever be able to get to my damn car.

Cue this morning. We find out from the GF’s roommate that she’d stop by today to open the door, and when she did, she saw that the garage was empty. No car.

Panic mode starts to set in. She comes upstairs with her BF, tells us the news, and I slip my shoes on to check the garage out for myself. I hadn’t even left the top of the stairs when something on the street catches my eye.

My car. Parked neatly on the curb.

I had parked it on the street the entire night.

My chosen portrait to be hung on the Wall of Shame.

Music: "I'm A Loser" - The Beatles

Randomly conceived dialogue

OUTSKIRTS OF OBNINSK, RUSSIA; NOVEMBER 2, 10:54PM

“It’s not as we had planned.”

“What are you talking about? The briefing said–”

“The briefing stated that all objectives were accomplished, but because of that, a bigger problem arose. The project Pheonix Flame was destroyed, but it was discovered that the program was only a copy.”

“A copy?”

“Yes. Which means that the master copy is still deep in the Russian vaults and there is no chance that we can get our hands on it even if we were the Prime Minister.”

“This has to be a lie, Vincent. I was there with you myself, we BOTH destroyed it! Together!”

“It wasn’t the master copy, Clark. It was a simple copy, and an incomplete one at that.”

“How do you know all this?”

“One of the Intel reports from a third insider at the complex sent us transcriptions from General Nikev speaking with another person on the phone, urging him to move the project before we could infiltrate.”

“You’re saying that someone ratted us out.”

“I’m saying that you did.”

I have SOME restraint.

This is a status I saw on my News Feed on Facebook:

[Name Redacted]: YESS!!! FUCKING GIANTS.:)

This is what I wanted to comment:

“You’re doing WHAT?”

Music: "The Distance" - Cake

Loveline Commentary and Hillbilly Romance

It’s almost 10pm on a weeknight that isn’t Friday, and you know what that means: Loveline!

I’ve been hooked on the show since my late middle school years in San Diego, when I would just chill with my brother as he listened on the radio. That might sound a bit young for a Loveline listener, but hell if it didn’t teach me a lot about sex, drug addictions, and how stupid most teenagers are about either. It was both a source of information and entertainment for me, and since I’ve moved back into San Diego I made it a point to start listening to the show again.

If you have a radio station that broadcasts Loveline (you should check on their website – http://www.lovelineshow.com/stationfinder), I would encourage you to give it a listen. They have a special guest every night, usually a musician, comedian or actor (or all three!).

Just for fun, I’ll try and commentate on the show for tonight, which is being blessed by the arrival and guest appearances of The Bad Girls Club. I’d link you to their page, but… it’s on a website made by the Oxygen network. It’d destroy the tiny, tiny masculine personality in me to directly link to that. Just use the Google machine.

9:50: Blog post up to this point is finished. Update is pointless. Move along.

10:01: Show begins! Psycho Mike introduces three of the “BGC” girls and they gossip. My interest is just as “meh” as I expected.

10:06: First call of the day is a concerned boyfriend who has a 15 y.o girlfriend who claims she hasn’t had a period in two years. That’s a pretty amazing superpower.

10:09: Second call is a boyfriend who claims that her girlfriend thoroughly enjoys being beaten by a cane during sex and snorting cocaine as she climaxes. Welcome to Loveline.

10:26: The ladies of BGC drop the F-bomb for maybe the fourth time, and blame their “salsa-like mouths” for their language. I want to sort of slap these women.

10:31: How come I’m getting radio commercials broadcasted by the Mexican federal government? In ENGLISH?! Your commercials are in America, damnit, speak Spanish. I mean… ow, head hurts.

10:57: Just learned from Dr. Drew that if an older woman sounds much younger, chances are they’ve been abused in the past, whether sexually or any other means. Interesting.

11:00: First three girls leave, remaining four enter the show. Let’s hope they aren’t as… *sigh*…. “salsa-mouthed.”

11:23: Hillbilly from Idaho is asking if he should have a relationship with his step-sister, but I’m distracted by the hillbilly music playing softly in the background. I’m more amused then I should be.

11:50: Girlfriend came home about twenty minutes ago so I stopped paying close attention.

All in all: amusing calls, annoying-ass girls, and a special appearance by Spencer Pratt.

Music: "Shut Up And Let Me Go" - The Ting Things

I’m back, back in the San Diego groove.

Lots of things have changed for me since we’ve last spoken (what’s that? I’ve kept you waiting for that long? Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you were bored?). I clipped my fingernails, I found a couple of songs by Weezer that I really like, Lindsay Lohan is an addict re-re-re-re-reborn, and I moved back to San Diego.

Yup, the prodigal son of America’s Finest City is back with a vengeance, and he’s taking the town by storm. The very first thing I did when I flew down was apply for a job at a pet shop… and four hours later, I got called in for an interview to the voice of someone who sounded almost desperate.

"We need dog shit cleaners and we need them NAO!"

So, after my pee test today, I’ll pretty much be hired. That was quick and painless.

I’m already in a comfortable living situation with Teh Girlfriend and her new roommate, Marley the cat. I’ve had a bicycle lovingly donated to me by my aunt, and there are pushes into getting my own car via the help of one of my uncles. Things are looking great down here and I couldn’t be happier with that. Except for this goddamn kitchen sink that refuses to dispose of my garbage.

I sure hope I called the right guy...

If any of my northern California friends wish to vacation in the world’s best city and get to see their good buddy Lance at the same time (or see him mop up urine puddles on aisle 5), consider this your open invitation.

Music: "New York Groove" - Ace Frehley

Eat, Pray, Commit Acts Of Terror?

I hardly ever get political, both on the Internet and in my personal life that resides in the mysterious region known as “offline”. The reason for that is because I come from a family that is for the most part conservative, and I hate confrontations. By the end of the day we may all still be family and love each other dearly but there will still be that weird tension where you know there will be things you simply cannot agree on.

There are times though when an issue comes up that conservatives raise all sorts of hell over, and I finally have a pair of balls drop from me and I stand up to call them retards.

"You're all retards."

That particular burning issue I speak about now is this “Ground Zero Mosque” that’s being brought up constantly from news organization to news organization. If you haven’t heard anything about this, then let me first say how awesome it is to live a life like yours where this particular headline doesn’t cause so much drama and division in your country. You… are in America right? No? ID, please.

This story started about a month ago when a group of local Muslims proposed to redecorate an abandoned Burlington Coat Factory building just a few blocks away from Ground Zero in Lower Manhatten into an Islamic Community Center (read: NOT a mosque; a mosque ONLY services for worshipping and nothing more). The 13-story building would include such things as a culinary school, a restaurant, a swimming pool, and a Muslim prayer center. In other words it’s no different than your average Jewish or Buddhist community center. But the problem that many people have with this is its close proximity to where the Twin Towers collapsed.

Huh. Proximity. So conservatives like Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin think that this is entirely invasive to the hallowed grounds of Ground Zero, yet they fail to notice that there has been a mosque even closer and even pre-dates the WTC? Funny, I hadn’t even known it existed until this past day, and this new Islamic center is the core of their outrage. You won’t even SEE the damn building unless you just happen to wonder onto the right street, and even then, it’s an added two blocks away from the planned site of the WTC Memorial. It’s not like they’re constructing a big dome that will eclipse the New York Skyline like it was throwing a huge “Fuck you!” at Ground Zero.

It's not like we would beat them to it anyway.

Among other wild accusations pointed at the proposed Park 51 building is that it will be a “training ground” for new terrorists to create some much undesired havoc and destruction upon our nation. Unbelievable, right? It’s also very, very stupid.

Here is the vision statement from their website: “Park51 will be dedicated to pluralism, service, arts and culture, education and empowerment, appreciation for our city and a deep respect for our planet.  Park51 will join New York to the world, offering a welcoming community center with multiple points of entry. With world-class facilities, a global scope and strong local roots, Park 51 will offer a friendly and accessible platform for conversations across our identities.”

I’m shaking in my pro-capitalist, free-marketed, I’m-politically-against-anyone-who-isn’t-in-my-religion boots. Take a look at the “Facilities” page on the site too, they’re even going to place a memorial to the 9/11 attacks! The point of the community center isn’t to encourage violence, it’s to encourage knowledge, discussions, and ideal brunch menus. Are we seriously worried about breeding new Terrorist Chefs?

"For too long we have tolerated your sinful allegiance to the United States Food and Drug Administration! You will bow to Allah and our new volume of "Kooking With The Koran" or you will die!"

Aside from the silly, in the past years since after the 9/11 attacks, Muslims have been in more danger of being the target of violence than the other way around. On May 10 of this year, a mosque in Jacksonville, Florida was pipe-bombed by a man who placed it on the outer walls of the building late at night. It was set to go off during the evening worship, yet it thankfully injured no one inside or out. Honestly, I have more of a reason to worry about Americans attacking me than I do for any other nationality.

But the real question isn’t “can they do it,” it’s “should they?” This is where the real division occurs amongst Americans, where the more vocal majority calls it an insensitive move towards survivors of the WTC attacks and an insult to those who sacrificed their lives for our country.

I feel that it’s important to remind these people that there is no insult in this whatsoever. As stated, the community center is no attack against the victims’ families and heroes of 9/11 and it is not being catered to Muslims only, the building is open to EVERY and ALL New Yorkers, and by proxy, to all Americans. It’s no different from the Cathedral right next door to the WTC, and if you still have a problem with this Islamic Community Center strictly because the crazy nutjobs who killed thousands of people on September 11th did so based on their bastardized interpretation of their faith? Go ahead, scream your opinion to the world. I wish you the best of luck in repealing our First Amendment right of a freedom to religion, because that is the only thing that will stop this center from being built where it is now. Let’s not also forget that it would be hypocritical to target Islamic extremists only, since other notable religious whackos have caused domestic violence, in OUR country, in the name of their religion.

Now if only they had a community center to teach them tolerance and understanding, instead of giving them more time to stay at home and build that pipe bomb…. makes that swimming pool slash restaurant slash 9/11 memorial seem like a damn good investment, does it?

Speaking of good investments in New York...

Let me just put it this way: if you’re against a group of Muslims the freedom to worship and learn to prepare a good dinner wherever they please, then maybe you’re better off in the Middle East, where there is virtually no sense of freedom established. Only downside for you is, shit, the place is full of Muslims! Either that, or denounce the right to practice religion in our country altogether.

I just hope you’re ok with confrontations, because I’m sure not.

Disclaimer: I probably went a bit far when I blamed “conservatives” for being the retards behind this, as it isn’t only conservatives who don’t like the idea of true religious freedom. To better put it, anyone who doesn’t like religious freedom, whether you are a liberal, a conservative, or anything beyond or in between, is a full-blown retard that needs a serious course on tolerance. With a crowbar.

Music: "Jesus of Suburbia" - Green Day

You know what? I’m a rock star. I do what I want.

If you’ve been reading this little corner of the blogosphere, you could probably easily notice how willing I am to pimp me and my close friends out to the world. I gave my girlfriend a bit of a shout out for her photography blog, I put up some old writings by me on here from a time long gone by, and gave some mad props to my aunt after I broke her boob.

This post won’t be much different, as I’ll be whoring myself out to the world about a band I’m currently in. We illustrious five call ourselves “Something Awesome.”

Need I say more?

“Something Awesome” is a cover band I play the drums in. Our musical  tastes all vary from each performer, but we all agree that rock is king. Most of our covers are rock songs, or if they aren’t, we MAKE them rock songs. In those cases, we would treat a song the same way that Me First and the Gimme Gimmes would (except we don’t cut the songs in half), where we’d take something slow and catchy and make it fast and lively. It’s a good way to still be creative with your musical muse, even if you’re not working on anything original.

And now, for the stats!

NAME: Sylvia Vo

INSTRUMENT: Vocals/Tambourine

STR: DEX: CON: CHA: 14 WIS: INT: 9

BACKSTORY: Hailing from San Jose, CA with the gift of voice, Sylvia is the leading sound of the music of Something Awesome. Originally starting as a musical duo with guitarist Clif, “Two Trick Pony”, she set out to recruit more talent in hopes to improve her skill and explore more musical genres. At a feedBach gig in The Avalon, she and Clif succeeded in recruiting a young drummer named Lance, and that night they founded Something Awesome.

NAME: Librado ‘Clif’ Chavez

INSTRUMENT: Guitar (Rhythm, sometimes Lead)

STR: 11 DEX: 10 CON: 9 CHA: 12 WIS: 12 INT: 11

BACKSTORY: Having undertaking a musical quest alongside his faithful (and resurrected) sidekick Judy, Clif primarily exerts his skill as a drummer for a band called feedBach. Having wanting to play in a band as a guitarist, he set up a duet group with Sylvia as “Two Trick Pony”, and then later taking on Lance as a drummer for a whole new project, which began Something Awesome. Thanks to his position in feedBach, the two bands share a good relationship and occasionally share a gig together.

NAME: Lance Waymire

INSTRUMENT: Drums

STR: DEX: 12 CON: 11 CHA: 11 WIS: 11 INT: 11

BACKSTORY: Raised by the tenors, lives on the set. Lance’s high school career as a tenor drummer in the school marching band proved to be the magical connection to his unique relationship to the drum kit, given to him for free at a winter percussion show. Since then, he’s ravaged and banged until he thought he could ravage and bang no more. After befriending Clif and following him at a feedBach show, he was met by Sylvia who helped to bring him in as a drummer to their group. Since then, his musical agenda consisted of nothing but Something Awesome.

NAME: Andrew Tae-san

INSTRUMENT: Guitar (Lead)

STR: 10 DEX: 13 CON: 10 CHA: WIS: 10 INT: 13

BACKSTORY: Andrew’s taste in music originally started marginally, devoting himself to the genre of Japanese pop music famously used in anime. After picking up guitar in high school, his life changed forever. He and Lance would play and record anime/video game songs together before his move to UC Merced to continue his schooling. After Something Awesome was formed and they were given their first gig, Andrew was called upon to learn their set on the bass, which he executed superbly. After Marc was later recruited on bass, Andrew became the new lead guitarist for Something Awesome, blowing everyone away with his crisp and insane solos.

NAME: Marc Carbonell

INSTRUMENT: Bass guitar

STR: DEX: 11 CON: 10 CHA: 11 WIS: 13 INT: 10

BACKSTORY: Having grown up to rock music and playing guitar with family and friends, Marc was the man who could fill the gap in Something Awesome’s rehearsals. Brought in one day by Sylvia, he took up the challenge to play alongside the band having no experience in covering their chosen songs before. Since then he’s become an important member in the group, and was the one to look for when searching for obscure and unknown musical trivia.

There you have it, folks. We’re young, dumb and ugly, but we know how to play goddamnit. if you’d like to follow up on the current going-ons of Something Awesome, you can easily find them on Facebook. Go ahead and “like us. We’ll like you just for looking.

(Special thanks to Zara for the pictures (besides the last one) and Clif for the "stats")
Music: "Jumping Jack Flash" - The Rolling Stones