Hello, I’m Brad Antilles. You may remember me from some of my previous works in the Holocron industry, such as “How I Met Your Sith Father” and “Everybody Loves Ewoks.” Those shows may have been fun to laugh at, but right now I’d like to talk to you about a more serious and important matter.
Did you know that 1 out of 5 people on Earth have never seen the original Star Wars trilogy? 1 out of 5. That’s approximately 1.5 billion people who have never seen the Death Star trench run, the legendary lightsaber duels, and witness George Lucas utterly ruin the hopes and dreams of fanboys everywhere.
These people live in a sheltered and unhappy life, filled with a void that cannot be replaced by any other fictional masterpieces. There was once a time where the saga of Star Wars was heard by children and adults all over the world, and that time is nearing its end. But you can help.
Right now there’s a closeted nerd, waiting to scream out into the world, who needs you. An innocent person with a heart and soul, living in loneliness, boredom, and a hunger to obsess over anything. You can reach out to a fellow nerd and fill their dark void with dignity and hope.
This is Marc. He’s grown up with Pokemon and Spiderman, but not once has he ever understood the reason why bullies at school would call him a “scruffy nerfherder.” To quench his thirst for entertainment, he would watch reruns of Buffy and awkwardly chat up girls who are way out of his league. But if he had Star Wars in his life? He would have the confidence and the courage to fight his battles, looking onto brave heroes like Luke Skywalker for motivation.
Eighty cents of every dollar that you donate to the Star Wars For All Fund will go towards purchasing necessary items for these impovershed nerds; things like DVD’s, comic books, and action figures. Call our hotline at 1-855-FANBOY to send us your donation. That’s right, just a simple phone call can not only enlighten the life of a fellow nerd, but it can also help you gain a +3 in Force Abilities.
How would your life be different without the magic of Star Wars? Think about it for a minute. Don’t hold off for a week, a day, or even one parsec. Call now.