Hello, I’m Brad Antilles. You may remember me from some of my previous works in the Holocron industry, such as “How I Met Your Sith Father” and “Everybody Loves Ewoks.” Those shows may have been fun to laugh at, but right now I’d like to talk to you about a more serious and important matter.

Did you know that 1 out of 5 people on Earth have never seen the original Star Wars trilogy? 1 out of 5. That’s approximately 1.5 billion people who have never seen the Death Star trench run, the legendary lightsaber duels, and witness George Lucas utterly ruin the hopes and dreams of fanboys everywhere.

These people live in a sheltered and unhappy life, filled with a void that cannot be replaced by any other fictional masterpieces. There was once a time where the saga of Star Wars was heard by children and adults all over the world, and that time is nearing its end. But you can help.

Right now there’s a closeted nerd, waiting to scream out into the world, who needs you. An innocent ¬†person with a heart and soul, living in loneliness, boredom, and a hunger to obsess over anything. You can reach out to a fellow nerd and fill their dark void with dignity and hope.

This is Marc. He’s grown up with Pokemon and Spiderman, but not once has he ever understood the reason why bullies at school would call him a “scruffy nerfherder.” To quench his thirst for entertainment, he would watch reruns of Buffy and awkwardly chat up girls who are way out of his league. But if he had Star Wars in his life? He would have the confidence and the courage to fight his battles, looking onto brave heroes like Luke Skywalker for motivation.

Eighty cents of every dollar that you donate to the Star Wars For All Fund will go towards purchasing necessary items for these impovershed nerds; things like DVD’s, comic books, and action figures. Call our hotline at 1-855-FANBOY to send us your donation. That’s right, just a simple phone call can not only enlighten the life of a fellow nerd, but it can also help you gain a +3 in Force Abilities.

How would your life be different without the magic of Star Wars? Think about it for a minute. Don’t hold off for a week, a day, or even one parsec. Call now.


Poking in Eberron: Summary #2

Welcome back, adventurers. Last we left our intrepid crew, we bravely defended a trading post and scouted the lands for danger and cleared them out. As also to note from last week, I had to leave the game early to attend to family matters, so things happened after. As far as I could recall, the cleric we met at the trading outpost successfully led us to his missing temple, but now we somehow owe the Fey that live in the forest some bribes? I didn’t fully find out how or why, but then again I’m not the wisest or most intelligent character, so maybe it works for my character’s personality to be left in the dark ūüėõ

I should also note that our wizard Wiam had to leave the game for good, so now the party is down to Ottaman, Issa, Lark, and Vash.

So to start from this week, Vash finally catches up with the rest of the party at the steps of the temple (“Good to see you, Vash! Uh…. where are your pants?” / “Don’t ask.”) and continues with them to scout the surrounding areas for trouble. On our first night camping, our witch Issa is attacked by a lycanthrope while on watch, and we all take a couple of turns to smack him around to unconsciousness even without the protection of our armor. Our Paladin Ottaman, being the typical Paladin, refused to kill a defenseless creature and so we left it tied up until it reverted to its human shape. Daylight comes and he turns back into a human, but our heal checks fail to wake him up. I leave behind one of my painted headshots with an autograph, and the rope is cut and we leave him then and there.

Like what we should have done to Nicolas Cage before he ruined movies.

After that exciting little encounter, we continue our journey south and further into the dense forest. We stumble into a grove later in the day that held some delicious (re: not poisonous) mushrooms.

And we all know who loved those.

Problem was, a Boggart and a Slurk thought those were theirs, and so a tense standoff occurred. The Boggart, only knowing enough Common to speak “You go!”, didn’t seem to convince our (yet again) stubborn Paladin to stay away, and he made the grab for the mushrooms. Lark grappled him for purposefully trying to be an idiot, but by then it was too late and the two creatures made their attack.

A few turns in with some damage distributed all around (and with Vash dealing a critical blow to the Boggart), Issa decided to send down his raven familiar to pick up a dropped weapon. Right as the raven made the swoop down…. CRUNCH. Slurk noms on it with spectacular precision. Once both enemy combatants have low health, Lark deals a fatal cleave attack and they both drop.

Don't. Fuck. With tree-things.

We gather some gems from the Boggarts nest, a dropped Morningstar and the mushrooms and leave, happily munching on them as Issa cries and whines for the loss of his (beloved?) bird.

We decide to travel back to Oleg’s trading outpost, having finished exploring this section of land. On our way we drop off the most expensive gem to the Temple that was recently discovered in order to pay off the Fey. We later encounter a fairy dragon and its little cricket-man friend, whom apparently are the recipients of the bribes and came to thank us for our gift. Vash unsuccessfully tries to flirt with the fairy dragon.

"Hey, are those real?"
"Maybe you should go away before I kill you."

They ask us to bring them candy and Mead, so we remember to do just that.

Having arrived back at the trading outpost, Issa comes to realize that without a familiar and with really shitty spell choices, he is pretty much useless. Issa leaves the party for good, and our player David rolls up a new character that doesn’t suck so goddam terribly. He eventually decides on an elven Sorcerer with some kickass Storm-something bloodline that gives him sweet powers. He temporarily names his character Greeble, even though we told him it was a goblin name and…. well, David isn’t all that bright.

Greeble’s (blech) character arrives with a new charter for us on top of the exploration charter we currently have, asking for us to clear a forested portion of the land from traps that are strewn about, and to eliminate any bandit forces in the area in the hopes that we may build our own township. Sounded like a fucking rad idea, so we head out and did just so. Lark and Greeble’s perception skills were so high that we EASILY uncovered and deactivated all of the traps we encountered.

At the end of the forest, we find ourselves in a section of the wood with sparse trees and vegetation. Dusk settles and we dismount from our horses to make camp, but Lark notices something strange on the horizon. With remarkable speed, the creature reveals itself as a Giant Centipede, and IT. WAS. HUNGRY.

To be fair, I too would've been tempted for a piece of this.

With a few meager ranged attacks, the centipede charges at just under 100 feet in one move action and dives straight for our horses. Being quite fond of my Billy, I blazed the way to the creature’s twin tails and attempted to hack off one of them before it could be used to whip at my fellows. It didn’t work, but I clearly got its attention. A few more turns of us whacking at him, and he hits Vash. HARD. One attack caused a 14 point damage, and I only had 13 >.> So yeah, I was down and out.

Amazingly, Lark came to the rescue once again and nailed a critical attack on the centipede with his newly acquired Ranseur, and killed the motherfucker dead before it could devour me. One successful heal check later, and I’m barely conscious.

"That was... intense. But I'm alive! I can't complain about that!"
"True, but.... you have no more pants."
"Yep. No complaints whatsoever..."

In short Vash got fucked up by a Giant Centipede, and my ass got saved by my new best friend Lark.

We continued on for a few days as my HP slowly increased back to normal, and we encounter a man named Joral who was hunting for his family. He didn’t much like our intrusion nor was he in a mood to talk, so we left just as quickly as we arrived.

Our last area we explored was a natural hot spring, much to the delight of everyone. Problem was, there were some giant frogs inhabiting the springs. Not many rounds later, both Giant Frogs we encountered were crit’ed to death by Ottaman and Lark. Vash celebrated the 8-hour gaming session and the scouring of the hot springs by taking a well deserved skinny-dip.

"I regret nothing!"

It was a very intense session, but a very fun one. Sadly, the group won’t be able to play together again for another three weeks due to various other commitments D: So we won’t be seeing another update for awhile. But fear not, the San Diego D&D Group meets up this Friday, and yours truly will try out some 6th Level 4e demos.

I know, most of you will complain. But it is still a great excuse to roll some more dice on a weekly basis.


Original Compositions

For the past few weeks I’ve been in a phase for songwriting. Well, not whole songs, but the lyrics anyway and some sort of musical “idea” in my head that works with it. Once my bandmates come into town, we’ll try and hammer these up. So for now, you get these lyrics. Let me know what you think? Yeah? Cool.

“D&D Romance”¬†Approx. BPM: 112

First verse:

You rolled a critical against

My heart

From then, I knew we would never

Be apart

I don’t care how, I just want to

Do it

Me, as a Rogue, and you as a 



We can control our world as

We want

As soon, as we kill the goblin mage


With me, you always have a 

Friendly face

Together, you and I, in this

Made-up place.



Every week

I peek at your sheet

You are the real treasure

That I seek 


Your Charisma is fine,

You’re really one of a kind,¬†

When I look at you, I’m caught in a trance.

There’s magic up in the air,

Hold my sword if you dare,

We’ll break the enemy with my mighty lance.


I’d crawl in dungeons for you,

Take down a dragon or two,

Come on baby now, just give me a chance,

And even though its a game,

My love for you is the same,

I knew it at first glance,

It’s a D&D Romance.

Second verse (not the same as the first):

Before, I was awkward and

A loner

And now, you give bonuses to

My boner

The spell, that you cast on me is

So entrancing

I can’t, think of anything but



So you see, I can charm you with

One roll

When it rolls, it is always


Please, say to me that you’ll

Be mine

If not, just don’t rip apart

 My spine

Second bridge:

I don’t care

About real life

But in this world,

I want you as my wife

(guitar solo)

Chorus (x1)



“The Story of Scientology”¬†BPM = 138 or 144

Verse 1

Far across from space and time

There lived an alien race

Everybody lived in harmony

But not at Xenu’s place


He was the big Galactic Overlord

And he knew he had to decide

This overpopulation crisis

Made his coffer dry

Bridge 1

So he packed them all in DC-8’s

With rocket parts, not propeller blades

Then they flew across the galaxy

Everyone aboard could all agree, that



I wish I never knew ya, oh yeah,


Don’t recall even voting for ya

This is true, I know

‘Cause Hubbard told me so

This is the story

Of Scientology

Verse 2

He made a stop at Teegeack,

It once was Earth, you see.

He dumped their bodies in volcanoes

Then blew them to smithereens


The souls then rose again as Thetans,

But Xenu still had a trick

He trapped them Thetans with powerful magnets,

And made them watch a flick

Bridge 2

He taught them of religion

And the idea of civilization

What they don’t know is that they’re still

A part of the Xenu Nation, oh


(Guitar solo/jam)

Verse 3

Now Thetans are a part of us

It’s them that makes us ill

Scientology can help

For a hefty bill

Bridge 3

And now Xenu’s trapped in a mountainside

Someplace just nearby

If we don’t turn to L. Ron’s ways,

Then Xenu’s back and we’ll all die, yi,







“The Lonely Nerd Blues” Standard blues riff

My girl broke my Nintendo

Now I can’t play no more¬†

Girl broke my Nintendo

Now I can’t play no more

Without my Nintendo

My days at home are a bore

 (Guitar/Harmonica solo)

Left home to buy some comics

My favorite store is no more

Left home to buy some comics

My favorite store is no more

Without my favorite comic place

My days at home are a bore

 (Guitar/Harmonica solo)

My Yoda bust is busted

My laptop has a crack

My normal days and nerdy ways

Are just what I want back


Well, I told my girl my problems

And now my girl is no more

I said, I told my girl my problems

And now my girl is no more

Without my girl to help me

My days at home are a bore

“So, wanna know why they call me the ‘Glam Slam?”‘

So my first meeting with the new D&D group went very well. I got to understand the world of Eberron pretty well, and all of our characters in the group were finally completed and introduced. It isn’t exactly the most balanced party around, but so far we’ve done pretty damn well…. in the one combat round I could stay for.

But first, let me introduce you the characters, along with a brief summary of their background story.

Issa is a Half-Elf witch whom long ago was one of few survivors from a pirate attack on his small town which left his parents dead. While escaping with the other teenagers and children, he encountered an injured raven and helped nurse it to health. Once the raven had fully healed, it revealed itself as being the manifestation of a demon, and granted Issa with the knowledge of magic in return for keeping it as his familiar. Issa has specified no reasons for becoming a traveling adventurer. Played by David M.

Lark Deftroot¬†is an Oakling (tree/human hybrid, like a tiny version of an Ent) fighter who was part of a small community of Oaklings in an unspecified forest. Being alone even among his own kind, Lark captured the friendship of a young human girl even though it was strictly against the rules and conduct of his community. He was one day caught by one of his peers while speaking to the girl, and challenged Lark to a duel. Lark lost, and was banished from the community. Meanwhile, the girl had moved away to an unspecified location, so Lark sets out not only to find his human friend, but to discover what it means to “feel with your heart.” Played by James M.

Ottamin¬†is a human Paladin who reigns from an unspecified location, and without a deity that he follows to the knowledge of the party he leads, and has sought out adventure to smite all that is evil and bring peace and fairness to the good. (In other words, he hasn’t finished his backstory yet.) Played by Michael M.

Wiam is a human Wizard who is very adept in magic, even from a young age. He was apprenticed by well-known wizard who saw his aptitude in the art of magic, and sought to teach him everything that he knew. With Wiam’s incredible power, he accidently wrought some damage to his masters’ home while learning new spells, and with some reluctance he was advised to seek out adventure to hone his skills… preferably at a safe distance from the home of his master. Played by Jeremy S.

Vash “Glam Slam” Emberheart is the narcissistic human fighter who cares a great deal for his image and fame (or what little he has of it). Raised by his wizard father, Vash was taught the importance of logic, intelligence, and magic. Vash threw that all away for big swords, muscles, and women-folk. He ran away to join a traveling performance group and was taken in by the “strong man” performer, a retired adventuring fighter named Callak Ragondor. Over the years he taught Vash combat techniques, strength exercises, and how to survive in a fight. After Callak died and he was caught in an awkward situation with three dwarven concubines and a pinceone, Vash left the group to build his own legacy through adventure and dangerous quests… into the skirts of as many women as possible. Played by Lance.

Our DM is one with many years of experience under his belt, named Mark.

We first began our journey at a small trading post west of Sharn, the capital city of Breland in the Khorvaire continent of Eberron. There we were asked to stay and defend the trading post from bandits, who have been collecting money from the posts’ owner, Oleg, rather than stealing away his wife for their own nefarious purposes. A few days later, Oleg let in the 3 bandits and their leader to the post and our magicians shut the gates behind them, trapping them and allowing us melee badasses to whoop them.

And boy, did we whoop them. On my first turn, I rolled some high damage on an already injured bandit lackey, and carved him to pieces with the one blow. On my next turn, I jumped over a table and flanked the leader of the bandits, and rolled a CRITICAL (confirmed, as this is 3.5) with my Greatsword, which you can imagine, did an incredible amount of damage. So incredible, in fact, that he died immediately after my strike. Yup, Vash “Glam Slam” Emberheart started very strongly.

Only two more turns took place before the remaining two bandits were disposed of, and we hung them on the palisades to teach the rest of the bandit group a hard lesson. We also kept the horses they rode in on. I named mine Billy.

Our intent to going to this trading post was to exercise our charter in exploring this area of Breland. So we travelled East from the trading post and encountered a very strange potion maker who wanted us to kill his brother. We went back to Oleg’s post and met a cleric named Jhor who is seeking a temple dedicated to his deity (whom he also never disclosed).

Anyway, I had to leave right after then so I’m not sure what happened after. But it was a lot of fun and I eagerly await our game for next week.


Music: "21 Guns" - Green Day

Please refrain from de-blogging me.

I know, friends…. I know. I have done what I had vowed not to do, which was to leave this blog to gather dust. The terrible habit has been revisited, and has stabbed a new wound left to fester and scab.

But the scab has been pulled, and the dust has been brushed off. This blog is alive, goddamnit, and thats a story that I’m sticking to.

Though I'd rather find a more handsome doctor to keep it alive. Can somebody call Hugh Laurie?

So, where to begin? There have been some changes, but nothing incredibly significant. I suppose I could start with my Honda, the Rad Mobile…

Oh, that’s right. I finally sold that demonic hunk of machinery to a dealer and got another ride. It’s a ’98 Toyota Camry, appropriately named….. Toyoda.

Adventure. Excitement. A Yoda Car CRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVES these things.

No, it doesn’t look that awesome. Indeed, far from it. But it works much better than the Rad¬†Bad Mobile did in its prime, and I’ve been happy with it so far.

One other important thing I should mention is my new plan for this blog. To keep up with updates and making sure I don’t abuse it again, I’d like to make a weekly post that summarizes the Sunday D&D sessions I will soon be having. I’ve found a group that is open for a 3.5 Pathfinder game, set in Eberron. This will be my first time rolling dice in this setting, so I’ll be learning a lot of new things that I would like to share to those interested.

Of course, I’ll interject every now and then with other anecdotes throughout the week, but this is at least something I’d like to keep as a regular thing. Even if you’re not a D&D fan, I’ll be playing the comic relief character, so crazy shit WILL happen.

So until next time, friends. And remember, be sure to always do what the voices inside the dice are telling you to do.

Roll for doing my laundry.... success!


Music: "Derezzed" (Glitch Mob Remix) - Daft Punk

A Story on Net Neutrality.

Internet, I’m going to tell you a story. You may have heard this one before, for it is common among all who dedicate themselves to the screens of their phones, monitors and laptops for hours a day.

Once, there was a young man named Rudy. Rudy is not married, but is in a stable long-term relationship with his girlfriend Penny, and they share a condo in Phoenix. He is a university student working on his B.A. in Business Management, and his girlfriend is attending Med School. Both work part-time jobs to keep up with the bills and tuition fees, and for the meager food they put on their table. Even though they hardly keep any money for themselves, they’re as happy as can be.

One day, Rudy signs onto his Facebook account to check on his friends and family back home in San Francisco. At least, he tries to. He opens the homepage and suddenly sees a popup on his screen he had never seen before, but it bared the Facebook name and logo. On the popup it says, “Due to the passage of the Net Neutrality Bill, you are now going to be charged for your monthly or yearly usage of this website. Please click “Continue” to have your already low budget shrivel to nothing.”

This was once an important website to Rudy, one that helped him keep in close touch with his loved ones from a distance. With the passage of this bill, he couldn’t even log onto YouTube, or Google, or even chat on video or text with his family using Skype, without an ad popping up for a great membership deal of $9.99 per month.

What was once fun and exciting about the internet was gone for Rudy. Not one week had passed, and he dropped out of school, left his girlfriend, and joined a traveling circus to live out the rest of his sad and lonely life as a Frowny Clown.

The lesson here, Internet? Don’t let men in expensive suits, who know hardly anything at all about the Internet and what it means to you, tell you how to use it. (www.eff.org)

Goodnight, Internet. Sleep tight. If you hear strange noises from Mommy and Daddy’s room, don’t worry: we’re just watching cute kitten videos on YouTube.


Music: Rancid - "Time Bomb"


Because this wouldn’t fit in a Facebook status

I’ve been spending more hours than necessary researching into this Zadroga Bill that compensates first responders to the 911 attacks with healthcare, whom many of which are suffering from diseases from their courageous work. I’ve been reading how Republican Senators are doing all they can to stop this bill from even reaching a vote to the Senate, because they promised on paper that they won’t do shit unless “them rich folk” get tax cuts. Because, you know, it’s super, super important.

This is probably the only time you’re going to see me place blame using generalities, but only because it is true.

Republican Senators, fuck you with the rustiest rake in existence.

In the off-chance that any of you come across this blog post while googling yourselves, why not stop listening this angry nobody and listen to these four angry 9-11 first responders?

There is simply no excuse. I’m going to bed.

You make me sad. Come, Patsy!

Best sidekick ever.